Another trip to hospice

Another trip to hospice (Agnes) On Saturday, the 14 of November, I went in for my second visit to see Agnes and to also meet her daughter; let’s call her Joan. I was a little nervous about meeting her because I had talked to her the day before and she was really upset about not being called about her mother’s condition. Even though I filled her in about mothers’ very strong request that she was not to be notified until after her death. I could tell over the phone that she loved her mother and really did not understand what was going on. My first impression of her was a good one. She was tall like her mother and very beautiful. She had a lovely smile and she gave me a warm embrace after she got up to greet me. She then introduced me to a friend of hers who lived in the area and came over to see if there was any way she could help out. I then sat down for a few minutes with Agnes to see how she was doing. She was in twilight consciousness, in and out, but she did recognize me and smiled when I took her hand. I then asked if I could talk with the daughter for a few moments. They have a beautiful garden outside with a fountain in the middle and some small benches. We sat at the fountain and talked a bit about her mother, her request and the why of it all. Joan was a critical care nurse herself and while there helped in taking care of her mother and which I could tell meant a lot to her. She told me how happy she was to have reconnected with her mom, in fact she was the one who did the searching when she was in her early twenties and they reunited in ninety two. They spent almost every Christmas together and always had a good time. However it was all about Agnes, but the daughter understood how her mother struggled with her inner pain and accepted it. Well until she had her first child and was a bit overwhelmed with it all. Agnes has trouble understanding the needs of others, though there is no malice involved, it is just how she is. So when the daughter asked for some space to recoup, Agnes interpreted that as rejection and withdrew. It seemed that they both wrote letters to each other but they remained unsent, such is the nature of family quarrels. She was hurt about her mother’s initial wishes about her notification but was happy that she was in fact called. She was better than she was when I last talked to her over the phone and was happy to see it. After we talked a bit I asked her if she wanted to receive the Eucharist. I brought it for her and her mother but she was not able to receive, so I asked if her friend would like to receive also. They both did. We prayed and I gave them the sacrament. I also got her in touch with Judy’s lawyer and they were going to meet at her house so she could get some mementoes. Before I left she asked me to talk to the head nurse to see if one dose of Ativan could be skipped so she could talk to her when she was more alert, for she was leaving on Sunday and knew this was the last time she would see her mother alive. I asked the head nurse to skip a dose if it would not be too hard on Agnes and she agreed to do that. So I left very glad that Joan was more at peace and that she had this time with her mother. I shudder to think what it would have been like if she did not have this time with her mom. I will be going back on Monday evening to spend some time with Agnes, perhaps all I will be able to do is to simply set with her and pray for I don’t know how present she will be, for her diminishment is speeding up. I am very happy that she is in no pain and that I will have the honor of spending some time with her. For all of her problems and they were many, Agnes never stopped trying to get better, and even though she perhaps failed to achieve what she was after in the way of inner health and balance, I feel that her life was not in vain and that in her very struggle resides her greatness. For it takes courage to deep on striving, in the not giving up, even if the progress sought was not achieved; well least on the level that I could see. Since I believe in God and in Christ Jesus, I believe that God’s grace is ever at work in the secret depths of the soul and that Agnes’s progress is perhaps much greater than I can understand or perceive. I will try to be there with her when her time comes, but in any case she is surrounded by the love of those who care for her in hospice; her daughters, her lawyer who is also a friend and last of all me. She is not alone and she knows that at last.