Waiting
I am having some health problems at this time. Not sure how serious it is; time will tell. I was talking to my Doctor today, who like me is a Christian (Catholic) and as we talked I was surprised that I told him that I think I am getting depressed over this. The pain will not go away and my energy level is low. I am also having trouble with my balance. In fact it may be an inner ear problem. I also said that at the same time I feel inner peace since I can still pray. He paused and then said “Wish all my patients could do that”. Many probably do. In our culture people seldom talk about their inner life of prayer.
A great deal of praying is about waiting and if I feel dry, or scattered, I found that I need to wait and then something happens. Not something otherworldly, just an inner peace and a feeling of being grounded arises for me. Perhaps it is because of my age, I am almost 64 and I have been working on my prayer life for most of those years. Perhaps prayer is a habit now, though one I still have to choose to do. In the end I still have the experience that the desire to pray is a call of grace and all I need do is to respond….even if my response may seem weak and un-centered. Yet that is how we humans are at times, all over the map. Minds can be at times like a monkey on speed. Well mine is. To stick with it, being patient, leads to the experience of becoming more inwardly whole.
A great deal of praying is about waiting and if I feel dry, or scattered, I found that I need to wait and then something happens. Not something otherworldly, just an inner peace and a feeling of being grounded arises for me. Perhaps it is because of my age, I am almost 64 and I have been working on my prayer life for most of those years. Perhaps prayer is a habit now, though one I still have to choose to do. In the end I still have the experience that the desire to pray is a call of grace and all I need do is to respond….even if my response may seem weak and un-centered. Yet that is how we humans are at times, all over the map. Minds can be at times like a monkey on speed. Well mine is. To stick with it, being patient, leads to the experience of becoming more inwardly whole.
Trust, is the main ingredient, for when God seems far away, it is trust that allows prayer to flow and to seek the Lord in dryness and inner pain and probably worst of all….a feeling of complete nothingness and numbness....yes patients is needed. God is, we change, our inner weather first calm, then fierce, then a lull, yet below it all, within it all, God dwells, we are not alone. Yes faith and trust or choices, so is running away from the inner desert.
No comments:
Post a Comment