The presense

The presence

In silence many find themselves responding to ‘something’, to a ‘presence’ that they don’t understand, or perceive in any way they may call real, yet it is there and they respond, they allow the grace of the moment to work in their souls. 

This reality is not owned by any one religion, though I don’t believe that all religions are equal, nor do they seek the same thing, yet the experience, the inner peace and healing, the deepening of love seems to be the same.   Grace is universal, no matter how hard religion tries to corral it, it cannot happen.

Because I believe we are all made in the image and likeness of God, in our hearts, we each carry one another.  In prayer and mediation we lift up and carry each others pain, we are all healers if we allow the process of the loving presence to do its work….we need to get out of the way.  It is like a great thawing, wherein the softness of being, of loving, of being able to reach out slowly comes with the inner healing….trust grows, in spite of the death to self that can make this process slow and painful. 

When we draw lines in the sand, then communication stops, we belittle each other, and lower ourselves in the process.  We are called to love others as we love ourselves, also to love God with our whole being.  When we learn that no one has a toe hold on God, then perhaps we can have the humility to actually hear one another, see one another and grow in love and respect for each other. 
The need to feel better, smarter, etc., drops away, and we are left with each others humanity, seeking, and yes possible terror in knowing that soon, all of us who dwell on this earth, will become part of history and then forgotten in the mist of time….at least as far as this world goes.

A seed planted

 

A seed planted

 

We can ask for mercy and receive it.  Yet as the years go by, we may need to learn what was forgiven, how deep was our wrong, how pervasive the pain caused, and in this mercy, healing continues.  It is a seed planted; further fruit will ripen as the heart deepens in its ability to love itself and others.  There are deep roots for our actions, many of them can actually be evil, or experienced by others who are on the receiving end as such.  Just as we may experience as evil, what others do to us. 

Don't play it safe

Don't play it safe

I like to play it safe, but in the end it is useless. For life is not safe, it is very dangerous, anything can happen. With our relationships with the Transcendent it is good to not be safe at all, but to trust, let go, dive in, swim and when you get tired, well let go and sink into what is beyond our comprehension. Christ Jesus is the revelation of the Father, yet in language we can understand, it points to an ever expanding horizon which we will never catch up to, only our love will deepen, our thirst grow, and as God becomes ever more unknowable, we know more in love, in healing and in our ability to embrace life in its fullness. Knowing we are pilgrims here, moving forward on a long and often painful road. Yet Christ Jesus goes before us, showing us the way....so climb high, and then dive into the infinite ocean, allowing nothing to keep this from happening. Not our fear, our doubt, or the mockery of others.....for the reward of faith and love, is an ever deeper faith, and love unending….world without end amen!!!!

No escape

No escape

When the heart is hard, protected, it is difficult to understand the pain caused others, until it is experienced.  It is then that reflection on our own actions can bring this deep healing, and in the process allows us all to be healers of others, by the bestowing of mercy, just as God does for us.  There is a cost in showing mercy, just as there is in not showing it.  It is simply the way things are, there is no escape. 

We are meant to breathe

We are meant to breathe

Those people who seek to understand ‘life’. The ‘why’ of it? The ‘reason’ we are here? Can come across as depressing too many, who don’t understand why numerous people seem compelled to dig deeper into the inscrutability of their lives.  While it is true that everyone accepts that our lives are short, that time seems to be faster than our 60 minute hour seems to tell us, yet after this is said, it is buried under other endeavors.  At times to actually understand how temporal we are can cause terror, at other times relief. 

Youth is idolized, yet it is probably the shortest period of our lives, important to be sure, but not as important as each subsequent stage.  Power and success are gods, yet when most people achieve it, the cost is often more pricey than once believed.  I have spoken to men and women who mourn what they had to give up in order achieving some sort of cultural mandate to succeed at all cost.  Families were lost, children raised without their parents being home and tragedy often followed.  Successes, beauty and youth are good, but not at the cost of everything that is actually more important. 

I struggle with this everyday, what is more important, why am I here, just what is our life all about.  When the mundane is made into ‘all that is’….it is then I believe that many people feel like they are enclosed inside a very large plastic bag with only one hole for breathing.  It is the feeling of slowly dying, but death does not come, an inner emptiness, as if life is nothing more than rush hour on a very hot summer afternoon.  When the reality hits home, that we are perhaps here to ‘seek’, that we are indeed pilgrims with no real resting place, perhaps it is then that the paradox kicks in….peace is found. 

Seeking some sort of closed system only makes things worse.  That goes for philosophy, theology as well as religion.  The heart of men and women, their longings, even if unconscious, can’t be imprisoned by any one understanding of life.  However when a path chosen, deepened, lived out… or sought to be lived out….will often lead to the open-endedness of reality. Not one that will give some sort of absolute answer to the riddle of our existence.  Doubt, about what we are brainwashed into believing is most important, is a vital part of our search.  When we seek some sort of rest, closure, then trouble starts, for we will find that we have to defend our ‘ideology’, seeking for truth stops, building defenses begins.

We are meant to breathe deeply from the center of our souls.  The key, as is shown in many of our great works of art and in our literature and scriptures, is the absolute reality of love, which I believe points to the reality of the soul.  The food of the soul, that which gives it life, is love.  It is love that opens us up. It allows the true death to all that is unimportant to this truth.  That can in the end, lead to a world that is actually a good place to live, or can be.  Or perhaps, it is only a desire that this can happen, that the transformation of the world is not possible. 

Life is good (aside from all the crap)

Life is good
(aside from all the crap)

Theodicy is the discipline that seeks to understand the reason for so much suffering in the world.  To say that human life is often tragic and filled with loss, pain and mourning is so obvious that it need not be said.  Yet lots of paper is spent on seeking to understand this reality.  There are some lucky few where life is good when young, but even with these, there comes a point where life starts to take its toll and ‘things’ begin to happen.

When going through suffering answers don’t mean much, since during those times all that can be accomplished is to simply take the next breath, do the next task and try to make it through the day.  This reality of life, the tragic side, is pretty much what the news is all about on a day to day basis.   If it is not some catastrophe of nature, then it is about how man is truly a wolf to man, as the old saying goes; we do prey on one another.

Our lives do turn on a dime and this reality become ever more real as the years pile up and many of us find out how easy it is to get sick.  In 2011 I had a pace-maker put in.  On Monday I was fine, on Tuesday I started to get winded just walking down the hall way, never mind about going up and down stairs.  I tried to ignore it; denial is easy to do.  I have been told that men do it more than women; how true that is I have no idea, but I certainly tried it…. well it did not work.  Then by Thursday I had to go in to the Veterans ER.  So just like that, my pumps started acting up.  I guess in the past many men died in their early sixties from what I now had and could not be fixed by a pacemaker.  So I learned how so very easy it is to get sick and yes die.  I suppose if I waited another few days I could have died. The doctor showed a bit of frustration when I told her that this had been going on for a few days before I came in.  Stupid yes, as well as understandable.  For who can really believe that they could possibly be dying? Me?  Nah, no way, that is for other people. 

Life is good, there is also lots of joy, peace, love and friendship, and getting older has it advantages, apart from the fact that my mortality is becoming ever more real to me.  My heart is different, my inner heart, than when I was younger.  Though I wish I was further along the road with this.  My head and heart are still miles apart, and writing just gives me a one lane entrance into this region that is still a mystery to me.  The softness of being that we are capable of is still far away for me and it causes me some frustration that I have no control over this inner reality.  All I can do is to stay open and seek to embrace life with all of its ups and downs. 

I have lots of doubts about just about everything.  Existence can seem so absurd at times and meaningless. Yet I have made a choice long ago to deepen my faith. To see what these longings of my heart, so often obscure but there none the less…. which pushes me to seek deeper into the often desert like conditions of my soul what it is all about.  I believe this is graces doing, operative I believe in the hearts of all of us. 

There is no closure to faith, I can’t say, well this is it, I have it, no, for there is always something deeper to consider, or then some experience, not often pleasant that brings me to my knees to deal with, that keeps my heart raw, though I am still good at repressing, just not as good as I was when younger.  It is probably because I don’t want to hide anymore.  In struggle, pain, seeking and the joy that comes from time to time, when all that is going on, being dealt with, prayed through, depression seems a difficult thing to hold on to.  For me, it is all equal, though I wish there was less pain and more joy.  I get just joy enough to deepen my thirst for what nothing in this world seems able to fulfill.  This joy comes from the small things in life.  From smiles, friendship (surely not a small thing), gentle breezes, cold water when thirsty, the goodness of people who are the salt of the earth, yes little things.  Perhaps it is the little things that overwhelm us, that heal in fact, because when they touch, it is out of our hands.  Little surprises, havens that are experienced throughout the day that in fact heal if allowed to.  These little healings happen in the moment, not in my worries about the future, nor my regrets about the past.

 

Feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus

Feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus

Today for Catholics is the feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus.  It is a feast that celebrates full humanity, a heart filled with love, no fear or hatred nor is there desire for revenge, only mercy for all, in him we also become more fully human as we slowly experience his love, compassion and mercy.  For he is like us in all things, but sin….he faced life fully, did not try to escape, to the point of taking upon his self our own broken and struggling humanity.  On the cross he took upon himself our deaths and with him we will experience deeper, fuller, joyful life.  He experiences our pain and suffering as well as our despair, "My God, why have you forsaken me", is what he uttered from the cross, a cry more common than many understand.  He accompanies us through the valley of death into eternal life.  He is God, he is not owned by anyone, His spirit blows where he wills, he is not an idol for us to build to look down on others, for he desires the salvation of all men.  We are told not to judge for a reason, we are yet young, understanding little of how God’s works in the world.  A revelation is not everything, it just brings to light what has always been, God loves immanent presence in all of our lives.