Dos-e-doe

Dos-e-doe

I think life is a setup.  We often think life sucks, and of course it can and does.  In times of stress, when our problems become apparent; we can either deal with it, which can be very difficult, or we can run from it, which can be fun, at first. Then things get crazier because now there may by two problems instead of just one.... with greater suffering that come with dealing with both of them.  Of course, we can seek another out, and another, and then we can have four or five problems, or more.

People often wonder why conversion is so hard.  To die to self is arduous, to not die to self, is even more so.  The labyrinth only goes forward, though it is not a straight line by any means.   It weaves in and out, and around more than once. Close to the center and then way out, dose-e-doe away we go; take a whirl around the dance floor once again. 

You can’t stop; for to do so is just another turn, just a more passive aspect of the journey.  No rest for the weary.  Perhaps when Jesus said his burden light, it was true.  For we can create heavy burdens for ourselves, over and over again, like a dog chasing his tail but never catching it.

No bottom

No bottom

Time is like a gentle breeze hardly felt,
then we find ourselves old,
feeling young
then we look in the mirror
and see our grandparents looking back.

So we take a step each day,
do what we must,
thinking there is some permanence,
some stable point to rest,
but there is none,
for our past becomes longer,
and our memories perhaps live there.

Possibly when we die,
and we move on to the larger world,
this world, this time, our tragedies
and yes our joys,
will seem like a fading mist
from yesterday.

Will we ever understand?
Or is our journey and ever deeper seeking,
an eternal hunt
for deeper truth,
love,
and a larger drink
from the living waters?

Will we eternally dive into this mystery?
No bottom,
no ending,
just more of and deeper in?

Are we finite creatures
with an infinite ability to grow?

A time of expectation

A time of expectation

Waiting, we all do a great deal of it during our lives.  It is not always pleasant, often very annoying and yes it can be bone wearying and tedious.  Be it at airports, hospitals, doctors’ offices etc., it is often a chore to just sit and stare.  Looking at magazines often only makes it worse.   We love arrivals, when the tension of waiting is over.  You can’t have one without the other however, sort of like hot and cold.

Advent is also about waiting and I believe that the times that we sit in a space and wait for ‘something’, it can bring to mind that this is an important aspect of our lives.  When we pray, it can often seem like we are yet again, waiting, it is just on the Lord this time and we endure it, or run seeking to escape from the experience of ‘nothingness’.  We can learn that we can wait on the Lord, if we look deeply into our lives and find out we do it all the time in just about every area of our lives, we just have to, we have no choice.  In praying and waiting on the Lord we can refuse the grace filled invitation to deepen our intimacy with infinite love.

It is in our making that act of faith in the Lord that our waiting is fruitful. That gives us the courage and yes, allows us to receive the grace to simply ‘be’ in God’s presence.  Perhaps we will slowly ponder a verse from the Scriptures.  Or if Catholic or Orthodox will finger our rosaries to calm the body down, allowing the mind to focus and come alive and to draw in scattered energies.  Or looking at nature or have a calming cup of tea; it does not matter what we do if we are seeking the Lord and a deeper love and relationship that often will go beyond concepts and words.
 Advent is a time of expectation, of something that is beyond our wildest dreams, yet it can also seem boring if we do not slowly allow ourselves to sit, wait and soak in the meaning of this blessed season.  Christmas is from December 25^th to Jan 6^th.  Advent is the four weeks proceeding this Holy Day.  I think we lose a lot as Christians, when we jump into the Christmas season and its culturally driven chaos, and in the process losing the grace, peace , joy, and yes the discipline of just being, just waiting on the Lord.
 The gift giving is good, the sharing is wonderful, the parties are often healing for many, yet if that is all it is, then for those who believe that Christmas means Christ-Mass, miss out on a great deal.  Then there are those who get depressed at Christmas.  Perhaps for some it would help if they did forgo all of the above if possible, but focus on the actual meaning of it all. 

Still on the way

Still on the way 

The human heart is vast,
sensitive and temperamental,
easily offended and hurt,
easier still to withdraw
as if one were a hermit crab,
enclosed and safe in ones shell,
easier by far than living,
being open and willing.

Wounds create scabs,
needed for healing,
but when they become permanent,
deeper healing is not possible,
for the clean air of reality,
of people and the need for love
is not let in.

I have my wounds,
a lifetime of healing,
though still on the way,
perhaps the full healing
an impossibility.

Possibly that that is ok,
for it is in seeking to become open,
in spite of inner struggles
that real growth
towards full humanity
is achieved.

We are made for such things

We are made for such things

When the heart swells when music’s caress arouses,
When the sight of beauty makes one catch their breath,
When the vision of a child opens up ones heart to be loved,
When compassion arises to help a stranger,
When friends truly laugh,
When lovers truly love,
When oneness is experienced with the world,
Even if only for an instant,
We are made for such things,
For it is worship that we experience,
Living water found in the depths of a dry desert.
Beauty grabs us in guises often unexpected,
Calling our hearts to expand,
Yes it is the joy of worship,
That which is eternal, that encompasses all beauty and love,
All else transformed by its gently accepting power.
Boundaries healed,
The truth revealed about who we are,
How we are loved,
Our response is the utter joy of abandonment,
Worship.

Only now

 Today, or in ten years,
it is still only now.

A man of 95 lay dying,
he said,
where did the time go,

now I understand,
as I age
I ask the same question.

 So if I die tonight,
or 30 years from this date,
it is now, the moment,
that is all we have.

 Embrace what is,
let go of all that keeps
that a bay.

Pilgrims

Pilgrims

The train we are on can't be stopped,
even though we know what is coming,
just not the how or the when.

No brakes to slow down the journey
we pass each other from car to car,
the engine a thing no one ever sees.

Then the lights go out for a second
and some once there just a second ago,
now gone,
there seems to be no rhyme or reason,
at least as far as we can see.

What is feared is when our time comes,
when the lights go out
and when light returns,
we are gone.

Were to we go?
Does anyone care?
Will we when the lights go out?